Just do as she says
by lilyheart87
Summary: An eccentric fic that begins as Shizuru centered, but becomes a story about Shizuru and Natsuki's love through times. Comedy/humor, Shiznat, shoujo-ai
1. Authority problems

Disclaimer: I do not own Mai-HiME or the characters, they belong to Sunrise, I'm just borrowing them.

A/N: I really should be doing another fic (sorry if here's any of my Michar readers, I'm getting there soon), but this idea just came to me and forced itself to be written down, heh. Please don't think I'm a total weirdo after reading this, I'm just messing around big time -grins-. They're pretty out of character.. I hope no one gets offended, just trying to do some random parody :D

_**Just do as she says**_

On one bright day Shizuru Fujino was walking-

**Shizuru**: That's me! -_turns to look at the reader and waves happily-_

**Author**: Ahem, Shizuru-san, you're not supposed to do that..

**Shizuru**: Ara ara, don't mind me, just keep telling your story, it didn't seem very interesting, but since I'm the main character, I might as well play along.

_-Author sweatdrops but decides to continue-_

Shizuru Fujino was walking in the Fuuka Gakuen's garden, whistling happily and admiring the bright blue sky bending over-

**Shizuru**: Just what kind of sissy story this is supposed to be? Has anyone ever told you're not very good at this?

_-Author stares at her main character in disbelief-_

**Shizuru**: And where the hell is Natsuki?! If I'm going to waste my time in your boring story, I at least demand the presence of my loved one.

**Author**: I-uh- if Shizuru-san would just wait for a moment so that I can get on with my story..

**Shizuru**: -_sighing- _Fine but you better not take all day.. And what's with that disclaimer? I can assure that any sort of sun rise doesn't own me!

**Author**: I-uh..

**Shizuru**: And what's with that ''borrowing''?! Do you think I'm some sort of property that can be borrowed?

**Author**: No! I just-

**Shizuru**: If you're going to ''borrow'' me, just what exactly are you going to do with me? Is this some sort of perverted self-insert story and you're planning to have sex with me?

**Author**:_ -blushing like there's no tomorrow (or rest of that day), that's obviously what she had in mind but she was busted before she even had the chance to begin-_ No!! What you think of me, geez, I'm just trying to tell a story here. Besides you're a flaming anime character -_mumbling and trying to sound believable-_

**Shizuru**: Good, because no other than my Natsuki-patsuki gets to touch these babes -_pointing at her breasts-_ Hello there miss Maria and miss Maria II -_looking down at her cleavage while greeting her breasts-_

_-Author's jaw hungs loose because she can't believe her main character is talking to her breasts, however now that her main character is distracted, Author feels it is a good chance to continue, even though she's not sure how to continue, since her cunning plot had b__een destroyed before it even had the chance to begin-_

The sun was shining brightly and suddenly Shizuru met Tomoe-

_-Shizuru's head shoots up-_

**Shizuru**: What the hell, you just went and continued without my permission!

**Author**: -_sweat dropping again-_ With all respect Shizuru-san, I'm the author of this story and I don't need your permission-

**Shizuru**: You know I could just leave right now.

**Author**: Wha-? Aah, please don't Shizuru-sama! Without you, this story won't work.. please be kind and stay?

**Shizuru**: -_smiling smugly-_ Fine, but show some respect here.

**Author**: -_bowing-_ Yes, Shizuru-sama. Thank you Shizuru-sama. Whatever you wish Shizuru-sama. -s_omehow this reminds the Auhor of how she usually acts towards her scary old guidance counselor-_ May I continue my story Shizuru-sama?

**Shizuru**: I guess since I don't have better things to do at the moment.

**Author**: Thank you Shizuru-sama.

-Marguerite, who looked like she was lost. Shizuru decided to offer her help to the underclas-

**Shizuru**: -_talking to Tomoe-_ Ara ara, just what the hell you're doing here Tomoe? I thought this was a Mai-HiMe story, not a Mai-Otome one.

**Author**: Hey, what are you doing Shizuru-sama? That wasn't your line!

_-Shizuru gives the Author one of her scary smiles, Author gulps and shuts up-_

**Tomoe:** I was just wondering that too, care to explain Author?

_-Author was feeling pretty scared at the moment, these two were, after all, the most perverted and violent characters in the anime-_

**Author**: I- I was.. yes this is a Mai-HiME story, I was just thinking to spice things up a bit and-

**Shizuru**: -_sweetly_- I swear if you're even thinking of pairing me up with her I'm going to use my naginata on you and it won't be a pleasant thing to watch.

**Author**: -_ready to faint from fear-_ I swear Shizuru-sama, I had no such thing in my mind! -_this time she was actually telling the truth because she had wanted all the ''Shizuru action'' for herself-_

**Tomoe:** I think she's telling the truth, I have no feelings what so ever towards you at the moment, which feels odd because earlier in the anime those feelings were consuming my whole being.

_-both the Author and Shizuru started to sweat drop at Tomoe's cryptical declaration-_

**Shizuru**: Whatever, do you need the darn instructions or what?

**Tomoe**: -_looking suprised-_ Instructions? No, I wasn't lost, I was just searching my inner-self in this lovely garden -_a dreamy look appears on her face and she disappears behind a bush-_

**Author**: Is she high or what..?

**Shizuru**: -_graceful appeareance was starting to crack and Shizuru was starting to look pretty irritated-_ You know this story sucks big time! Didn't you just tell us that she was lost!?

**Author**: Aah, Shizuru-sama, calm down, please! How was I supposed to know she was looking her inner-self! Forgive me! Want some tea or something?

**Shizuru**: -_sweat dropping-_ You're the bloody author of this bloody story..

**Author**: B-But.. you all are so scary.. and I can't think straight, though I never can -_giggles at her silly little pun_-

**Shizuru**: -_rolling her eyes in disbelief-_ Fine whatever.. I guess I can let you off the hook for this once since you didn't pair me up with that creep..

**Author**: -_relieved-_ Thank you, Shizuru-sama, may I continue the story?

**Shizuru**: What the heck, go ahead. -_mumbling and waving her hand-_

Shizuru happily continued her stroll in the garden, it was always such a pleasure to talk to the underclassmen-

**Shizuru**: -_snorting-_

**Author**: -_sweat dropping-_

- Boy it seemed this day would be really good, the summer wind kissed her body-

**Shizuru:** Hey, no one but Natsuki kisses my body, not even some stupid wind.

-like a freshfreshing shower of cool water after a hot day-

**Shizuru**: And certainly not some perverted water drops!

_-Author doesn't quite understand what her main-character is talking about so she decides to continue with her story-_

Shizuru was so happy that she started to hum happily and dance happily along the happily paved road leading happily deeper in to the garden.

**Shizuru**: That's it! Hey you there! -_pointing at the reader-_ Yes you! Don't you think this story is lame? Don't you want some action too? Like some Shiznat action? Yeah? -_turns to the author-_ Ara ara, your precious readers agree with me!

**Author**: -_Cautiously glances the reader and gives a nervous smile-_ Sorry.. -_turns her attention back to Shizuru-_ Yes, Shizuru-sama, some action..

_-quickly the author starts to write something down and suddenly the whole cast of Mai-HiME, except Natsuki, appears in the garden and a total riot starts, you all can say your good-byes to the beautiful flowers about now-_

_-Shizuru's eyebrows start to twitch in very Natsuki-like manner (those two are spending too much time with each other)-_

**Shizuru**: Ara ara, what you think this is? -_pointing at the roaming people-_

**Author**: -_very nervously-_ S-Some action, S-Shizuru-sama..?

**Shizuru**: -_abandoning her cool manner totally_- Listen to me brat, you stop messing around about now, or I'll kick your sorry ass!

**Author**: Hey! You can't call me a brat, I'm older than you are! And for your information, my ass isn't sorry at all!

**Shizuru**: -_blinks in disbelief and mumbles-_ Those damn foreigners and their disability in English.. -_which is, of course, weird coming from a Japanese girl who's supposed to speak Japanese in this fic-_

**Author**: -_feeling rebellious-_ Fine, here's some action for you..

_-suddenly a bunch of orphans (it looked like most of the Evangelion cast was taking part) appears running through the garden gates-_

**Author**: Dammit!! I meant those monsters.. I can't do anything right..

**Shizuru**: Well, you're right about that -_a naginata appears in her hands and its blade soon appears (too) close to the Authors throat-_

**Author**: Wh-? I thought you weren't supposed to be able to do that anymore!!

**Shizuru**: Well, this is your story, the world you created, so anything can be done. Now, if you don't give me my Natsuki, I'm gonna do some painting in this garden and the color red surely won't be normal paint if you don't obey me.

**Author**: I-I-I! -_quickly scribbles something down-_

-a_ small wolf puppy appears-_

**Shizuru**: What the heck is that supposed to be?

**Author**: N-N-Natsuki..?

**Shizuru**: Ara! I want her in a human form! You really don't know how to write, do you? Well that's too bad.. -_an ominous lifting of the naginata-_

**Author**: I-I can! -_nervously scribbling something-_

_-a super mini version of Natsuki appears on the ground, both Shizuru and the incapable Author stare her in disbelief-_

**Shizuru**: T-That's.. almost perverted! Why you little! -_rising her naginata, again-_

**Author**: -_doesn't quite understand how that is perverted but is too afraid to say anything- _Aagh, kami-sama!!_ -quickly starts to write-_

Hot and absolutely sexy Natsuki Kuga (who belongs only to Shizuru) appears, clad in a tight motorbike suite made of leather. Her hair moves slowly and intensely on the air and cool background music can be heard, accompanying her every step.

_-Shizuru's attention immediately shifts to the gorgeous being approaching her and the naginata stops an inch away from the Author's throat-_

**Shizuru**: Ara ara, Natsuki! It's so good to see you!!

**Natsuki**: Hey, there. What are you doing Shizuru? -_points at the author who is paler than death-_

**Shizuru**: Oh this, I'm just teaching this damn Author how to write. -_still not moving her naginata from the Author's throat-_

-A_uthor looks desperately at Natsuki-_

**Natsuki**: -_grinning-_ Say Shizuru, wouldn't you let her off the hook? After all, she wrote that nice intro for me..

**Shizuru**: -_glaring the poor Author suspiciously-_ You're being pretty merciful, considering she was going to write a sex story, starring herself and me.

**Natsuki**: -_exclaiming_- She what?!

**Author**: I-I-I--

**Natsuki**: -_trying to contain her temper-_ I see, I guess these kinds of things can't be helped when I have a girlfriend as sexy as you, but luckily you only want me.

**Shizuru**: Yes, only Natsuki.

**Natsuki**: Good, so please let the poor (and obviously perverted) thing go. -_again pointing at the Author who's looking like there was no blood left in her whole body_-

**Shizuru**: -_pouting-_ Fine, but only because Natsuki wants so -_though a glint of amusement could be seen in her eyes-_

_-the naginata was removed from the Author's throat, sighing in relief, she gratefully looked at Natsuki, swearing she would never try to mess with her girlfriend again, and started to crawl away-_

**Shizuru**: Oh, I've missed my Natsuki-patsuki..

**Natsuki**: I've missed you too, my love.. but.. I just still don't understand that nickname..

**Shizuru**: Ara, there's nothing to understand, now kiss me.

_-Natsuki eagerly started to do as Shizuru said and soon the two got lost in their own little world-_

**Author**: -_staring at the hot couple in action-_ Damn, I could so use this in my story.. where the heck I put my pen?

_-By the time the poor Author found her pen, it was already too late, because Natsuki had cooped Shizuru in her arms and giggling they went to Natsuki's motorbike and sped off-_

**Author**: Hey you two, goddamn!! Who gave you the permission to leave in the middle of my story?! -_of course before yelling this, the Author made sure the two were far enough not to hear her words-_

**Author**: I can't believe this.. I guess I should have done as Shizuru-sama told and bring Natsuki-sama in the strory earlier on.. Baka me!! -_waving her hands in despair, still oblivious to the riot which hadn't cooled down at all ever since she wrote it in the story-_

**Author**: -_sitting down-_ What am I supposed to do now..? -_mumbling mumbling-_

**Mai**: What's wrong, Author-san? -_suddenly appearing before the Author-_

**Author**: Wha.. What's wrong?! I just lost my main characters! How am I supposed to continue my story now?!

**Tate**: -_flirting-_ Hey, no sweat, we can be your main characters -_grin-_

**Author**: -_stares at Tate in disbelief-_ I'm very gay, s-so you can stop that- that flirting. -_starts to consider Mai since her plan with Shizuru back-fired-_

-_suddenly Mikoto appears, chewing a dead frog she found from the bottom of a fountain-_

**Mikoto**: Mai, can you cook this for me? I'm H-U-N-G-R-Y!!

**Mai**: Sure Mikoto, it's a frog-ramen then -_grin-_

**Tate**: So, what do you say, Author-san?

**Author**: NOO!! That's totally uncool!! I want my Shizuru!! -_falls on the ground, on her knees, weeping-_

_To be continued..?_

**A/N**: I think this is.. no.. I know this is the weirdest story I have written thusfar, lol, please let me know what you thought about it

I guess I'll write at least one more chapter, hehe, so it's left to see if our author finds her main-characters and actually manages to finish the story :D


	2. Shizuru and Natsuki's THE STORY

Disclaimer: I don... the characters in the story aren't owned or borrowed.. please don't sue me.

A/N: Here's the final chappie :D challenging my destiny, I chewed and licked some frog again and let rest of the story take me over, lol lol, more randomness ahead. Heh, this fic somehow reminds me of Alice in wonderland.. though maybe more the Miyuki-chan in Wonderland after all, ahaha.. I hope I only break my own brain with this deranged story, haha, let's see if I can make the characters behave more like the characters should. I don't know if the rating should be T or M, the language is kinda harsh, but I dunno if the 'this and that' of the story earns the highest rating or not.. oh well..

_**Just do as she says, part 2**_

**Tate:** So what do you say? -_stubbornly asking again_-

**Author:** -_still weeping on the ground_- No, no and no! No way! And you know what, Tate?

**Tate:** What?

**Author:** _-grinning evilly_- I prefer the Mai x Reito pairing.

**Mai, Mikoto & Tate:** _-gasp-_

**Mai:** Nani?!

**Tate & Mikoto: **-_exclaiming_- No! Mai belongs to me!

**Reito:** _-appearing out of nowhere_- Why, thank you young lady. Care to write that down?

**Author:** I wish I could but I lost my inspiration! And you know it's almost as bad as losing one's libido -s_tarts to weep again_-

**Mai:** No freakin' way this ''Mai x Reito'' is going to happen. Help! Intruder on the school property, help!

**Haruka:** -_rushing through a bush, dragging Yukino along_- The Executive board has arrived! Where's this intruder?

**Mai, Mikoto & Tate: **-_pointing at the Author_- There!

-_Haruka starts to drag the poor Author, by her hair, out of the school area_-

**Reito:** -_tagging along_- Now Suzushiro-san, aren't you being a too rough about it.

**Haruka:** Shut it, there's no road I'm listening to you when that bubuzuke woman isn't around.

**Yukino: **-_piping_- That's ''way'', not road, Haruka-chan.

-_Reito sighed deciding to return to the school, leaving the poor Author to the hands of the crazy Executive board-_

**Haruka:** -_throws the author on a random street next to the school, some broken needles and used condoms could be seen on the ground_- You better stay out or I will screw you myself next time!''

**Yukino**: -_sweat dropping_- Haruka-chan, not like that.. _-mumbling_- you should only screw me.. _-sniff-_

_-however the Author was so scared by the possibility of getting screwed by Haruka, that she swore never to come back, while running as far as possible from the horrible school-_

-finally _the Author was getting tired from all the running so she stopped to take a breath-_

**Random suspicious probably perverted guy:** Hey there young girl, want so see my kite collection?

_-Suddenly the author felt like she could run some more-_

_-After some more running Author had to stop again-_

**Nao**: -_appearing out of nowhere as well_- How much are you willing to pay to know where those two went?

**Author:** _-suprised_- You know that? -_Nao nods_- Oh but I don't have any money.. -_feels scared again because she suffers from spider phobia, but she just can't give up on her story without a fight! On the other hand she is a bit happy 'cause now the Sunrise guys will see she really is just a poor Author and not worth of suing-_

**Nao**: -_eyeing the Author from head to toe_- Well, that'll do I guess..

_-Some time later in some shady park's bush-_

**Author:** Ah there they are. -_stares Shizuru and Natsuki making out on the grass, Shizuru lying on her back, Natsuki being on top_-

**Author:** _-suddenly sweat dropping profusely-_ Why do I feel like some pervert peeping a pair of highschool girls in a bush? _-universe wonders that too-_

-_Author's thoughts were interrupted as she suddenly sneezed_-

**Author**: My darn hay fever.. _-suddenly feels something fast and loud almost touching the skin and cutting some of her hair just above her right ear-_

**Natsuki**: -_wielding her gun and demanding_- Who goes there?

**Shizuru:** _-slightly amused_- Ara ara, you always shoot before asking.

**Natsuki:** _-ignoring her-_ Show yourself or the next one will hit you on the forehead.

-_shaking author, only wearing her underwear and having a new part on her hair, appears from the random bush-_

**Shizuru**: You again! Do you have a death wish or something? Can't you see I'm busy at the moment?

**Author:** ... -_too shocked to say anything-_

_-Shizuru tries to rise but Natsuki is still sitting on her-_

**Shizuru:** Natsuki, let me deal with her!

**Natsuki:** Now dear, calm down first.

**Shizuru:** Hmph. Kiyohime.

_-a huge mega multiheaded purple snake appears-_

**Natsuki**: _-shouts- _Duran.

_-a huge mega wolf doggie appears-_

**Duran:** -_slyly-_ I bet you can't catch me, Kiyohime _-wink wink-_

**Kiyohime:** -_snorting-_ Like hell I can, Duran Duran!

_-the children quickly disappeared out of sight and some suspicious sounds can be heard from a distance_-

**Shizuru:** -_disappointed_- That was pretty low blow...

**Natsuki:** -_ashamed-_ I know, sorry.. but what's wrong with you, I've **neve**r seen you acting like this -_clearly suffering from sudden dementia and not remembering what happened during a certain Carnival-_

**Shizuru:** Well, maybe I just want to be a bit wild sometimes, I **always** have to be cool and controlled -_both Natsuki and the Author sweat drop, thinking the last few episodes of Mai-HiME_- Beside she writes stupid stories! -_accusing finger pointing at the still shaking author-_

**Natsuki**: Maybe you could tell her how to write a good one instead of slicing her in to pieces?

**Shizuru:** -_contemplating_- Hmm, maybe I could..

**Natsuki:** Great, it's settled then! Right, Author-san?

**Author:** Yes Kuga-sama! That would be great Kuga-sama. Thank you Kuga-sama, Fujino-sama!

**Shizuru:** Well, come here then. Ara ara, why come you're not wearing any clothes?

**Author:** _-blushing-_ Nao-sama took them as a payment for the information about your location.

**Shizuru & Natsuki:** Figures.

-_Some time late_r-

_-Natsuki sits on the ground listening her girlfriend and the eccentric Author discussing about possible stories, slowly she started to get more and more nervous, what the heck they were writing about anyway?-_

**Shizuru:** Then I want lots **this** and** that **in the story and I want this fic to tell the whole my and Natsuki's super love story! -_writes faster than the speed the of light, though no one probably knows if the speed of light actually is literate or not-_

**Author:** Yes, Fujino-sama but are you sure you want to start this **far **in your story, even if it's the **beginning**? -_points at the first scene_-

**Shizuru:** Yes. -_takes a sip of tea which appeared out of nowhere_-

**Author: **Fine.. but are you sure you want to be presented like that. _-pointing at the second scene_- Wouldn't a mermaid or something be better?

**Shizuru:** Blah, no. What's wrong with it? I like that and I bet it's really pleasurable -_drools in her tea cup-_

**Author:** Nothing is wrong! As you wish, Fujino-sama! But I don't think that third scenario is possible for a woman, considering that period of time..

**Shizuru:** Author-san, this is a fictive story, not a history book. Consider it being like an imaginative hong-kong movie.

**Author:** Yes Fujino-sama.. But I have to say I don't agree with the way you portrait geishas in the fourth scene.. you know it wasn't quite like that..

**Shizuru: **-_sweetly-_ Ara ara, so watching one **Hollywood** movie makes you an expert, huh?

**Author:** Actually I have studied them.. -_Shizuru starts to smile dangerously-_ .. but nevermind that. About the fifth scene, even though it happens in Europe, I have to say we don't have such a things there either..

**Shizuru:** Author-san, what did I just say about the fiction part?

**Author: **-_sweatdropping_- Yes, Shizuru-sama! Actually I'm quite pleased with the sixth and seventh scenes.

**Shizuru:** -_slyly_- Does that mean you aren't with the others?

**Author:** -_nervously-_ No, I didn't mean that! It's just I'm so glad you let me use the beginning of the story I tried to tell earlier and that last one is just a sweet conclusion!

**Shizuru:** Oh, ok. -_gives kind and sincere smile-_

**Author:** _-sighs in relief while her heart skips a beat, once a hentai, always a hentai-_

**Shizuru:** Natsuki-patsuki! Come here and read **my** -_Author sweatdrops_- story!

_-Natsuki nervously takes the offered story and starts to read, during the reading her blush seems to blush and it seems to blush some more. The first scene was just.. weird.. the second was totally hentai.. the third was weird again.. the fourth was unbelievable and embarrassing.. the fifth was just perverted.. the sixth made her sweatdrop and the seventh caused a nosebleed-_

**Shizuru:** So what do you think about it Natsuki?

**Natsuki: **... _-it was total porn but Natsuki couldn't say that without upsetting her girlfriend- _Author-san, give me a pen, now!

**Author:** -_quickly obeying, still grateful to Natsuki for saving her butt.. twice-_ Yes, Kuga-sama.

_-Shizuru stares Natsuki with suspicion-_

**Natsuki:** I'm just censoring few parts, you don't want your story to be banned now do you? Hehe.. _-nervous laugh-_

**Shizuru: **..I guess not.

**Author:** -_has decided the less she speaks the better-_

_-Natsuki's pen moves quickly over the pages while she's muttering ''How come there's no mayonnaise in this story?''-_

_-Finally after time that feels like an eternity in Shizuru's opinion, Natsuki gives the story back-_

**Natsuki:** -_smiling_- I think it's really nice.

-_Shizuru and the Author looking what Natsuki had just censored, it seemed over half of the original story was gone_-

**Shizuru: **-_dryly_- Natsuki, has anyone ever told you, you're a real party pooper?

**Natsuki:** -_a bit nervously_- Well, um, uh, but Shizuru, t-that was total p-p-porn!

**Shizuru, Natsuki & Author:** _-blushing before __**the P-word**__!__-_

**Shizuru:** -_dangerously coolly_- So?

**Natsuki:** Wouldn't it be much better if we kept those kind of things just between us? Like our own little secret?

-_Author was staring Natsuki in disbelief, how anyone could buy so obviously manipulating explanation_-

**Shizuru**: -_after contemplating for a moment_- I guess it would be.

-_Natsuki sighs in relief while the Author can't believe her ears_-

**Shizuru**: But naturally you'll have to pay for this later.

**Natsuki**: -_shoulders slumping_- Yes dear, naturally. _-and literally-_

**Shizuru**: -_shifting her attention to the Author_- Now you better go and post that story, me and Natsuki need some quality private time together. And Author-san, my apologizies for my earlier behavior, you just needed some gentle guidance to write a proper story.

**Author:** -_wide happy grin, deep blush and eager nodding- _Yes, Fujino-sama. Thank you for your help, Kuga-sama, Fujino-sama -_bow-_

-_While Shizuru smiled and Natsuki nodded the Author skipped away, feeling relieved; she had gotten a __**real**__ story and she was still alive_-

_Few hours later.._

-_The author just finished typing up the story she and Shizuru (well mostly Shizuru) had written and Natsuki had kindly censored. The story seemed to miss all the good parts, but the Author was happy she had gotten it done in the first place. Shaking from excitement, she logs in to her ff account and posts the story_-

_**''**__Shizuru and Natsuki's__** THE STORY''**_

Many thousands- no, many millions years ago two amebas met in a smelly pool of water. ''Hello there cute one, what's your name?'' the other sexy looking ameba asked. The other ameba blushed as she answered: ''M-My name is Natsuki.'' The other ameba's eyes started to sparkle brightly: ''Ara ara, it's such a pleasure to meet you Natsuki! You can call me Shizuru.'' The other ameba answered shyly: ''Okay, S-Shizuru..''

Shizuru-ameba grinned widely: ''How about joining our cells?'' Natsuki-ameba turned all red from the blushing: ''S-Sure, Shizuru..-

**-CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED-**

Many thousands- no, many millions years (but not too many) later a fisherwoman, called Natsuki, was sailing the sea of Japan. ''This seems like a fine day to fish, I bet my catch will be splendid.'' Natsuki mused as she was about to throw a net into the sea. Suddenly something shook her rowboat and Natsuki flew over board. The water was cold and dark and Natsuki was certain she would drown soon. For her relief something grabbed around her waist and pulled her back to the surface. Natsuki stared her saviour in disbelief, it was a huge octopus! ''Ara, hello there hottie. My name is Shizuru. Now as a reward for saving you, I'd like you to let me introduce you to my long thick te-

**-CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED-**

Few hundreds years later a merciless warlord, Kuga Natsuki, ruled over the land of Japan. ''Innocent'' peasant, Shizuru, who was a total secret fangirl of Natsuki by the way, had been taken, actually she had volunteered but nevermind, in to the main fortress to serve the mighty warlord. ''Now sweetie'' Natsuki started when they were left alone in Natsuki's private quarters, ''Do you know why you were brought here?'' Shizuru's gaze rested on the ground and she was blushing slightly. ''Ara ara my lord, how could an ''innocent'' girl like me know about such things?'' For some reason Natsuki didn't quite believe the girl's innocence when her eyes were sparkling like that. ''Well, don't worry, I'll soon show why you were brought here.'' Natsuki stated hornily and grabbed her arms around the girl who was now grinning victoriously, soon she would bed the Japan's most powerful woman. ''Oh, Natsuki-sama.'' Shizuru stated and suddenly Shizuru's kimono fell off. Natsuki blinked in suprise and had a nosebleed. ''Oh you mighty warlord..'' Shizuru whispered and managed to knock them both down and pull Natsuki on top of her. ''Whatever you do, don't be too rough, I don't think I could handle your full power.'' she stated blushing before claiming Natsuki's lips, the warlord could only mumble when Shizuru's hand found its way to-

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Few hundred years later (just after that Meiji revolution) the heiress of Fujino corporation, Shizuru Fujino, was having fun in a geisha house. After drinking and partying with the geishas, Shizuru wanted some real fun. ''Now bring me your prettiest girl, I want to see her dance.'' The okasan of the geisha house quickly complied ''Yes, Shizuru-sama.'' soon a beautiful young maiko called Patsuki appeared. Shizuru started to drool, that must have been the prettiest thing she had ever seen, she thought, until the young maiko opened her mouth: ''The hell I'm gonna dance, let me go you old hag!!'' the okasan didn't look pleased at all and her dangerous expression implied that Patsuki would get severely punished later. ''Ara ara, if Patsuki-san doesn't want to dance for me, would she prefer sharing a private moment with me?'' Patsuki's gaze drifted to the glorious Shizuru and she was just totally unable to refuse.

Soon the two were guided to a private room. ''So Patsuki-san, what's your real name?'' Shizuru asked while Patsuki poured some sake for them. For some reason the poor thing blushed immediately, ''My real name is Natsuki.'' she muttered. ''My what a pretty name, I could eat you, you're so cute.'' If even possible, Natsuki's blush deepened. ''You know I think I'll do just that'' Shizuru stated and grabbed the suprised maiko, pushed her on the floor and bounced on top of her. ''Wait, will you pay for this?'' For anyone else that might have been a mood killer, but the business minded Shizuru just asked: ''Do you want me to?'' Natsuki looked ashamed as she answered: ''No.. but you see I'm kinda short on the money at the mome-

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Few decades later somewhere in Europe. A hungry vampire named Natsuki was stalking her prey whom she had been shadowing all night. She had first noticed the pretty thing on one of the shady streets of the town where she usually hunted. For some reason the young woman had headed outside the city, to the dark and menacing hills. Natsuki had wondered this action but was rather glad 'cause it would suite her purpose more than well.

Suddenly the woman stopped and Natsuki thought her chance had come. ''Hello there, I don't think it's pretty safe to wander alone at this time of night.'' Natsuki said while the excitement of the upcoming feast grew in her. The young woman was startled and she quickly turned to look at her, Natsuki was immediately captivated by her beautiful crimson eyes. ''Did a cat eat your tongue or what? What's your name?'' Natsuki wasn't sure if the other girl was scared of her or not as she answered melodically: ''Ara, my name is Shizuru and my doings here are none of your business.'' Natsuki was a bit suprised by this, but that wouldn't stop her devouring the girl, even though it seemed a bit waste; she being so absolutely hot and all. ''My, you're a rude one. Well my name is Natsuki-'' she started and suddenly grabbed the girl's arm, pulling her closer, ''And I'm a hungry vampire.'' she finished and revealed a pair of sharp teeth. Shizuru's eyes widened and she fainted in the worst possible moment. ''What the..? I didn't know she was that fragile..'' Natsuki mused while holding the unconscious girl in her arms. She felt so warm and soft and helpless and huggable and suddenly the idea of killing the girl didn't feel right, but what she was supposed to do now? ''Hey there, wake up! I changed my mind, I won't eat you, c'mon! Pull yourself together!''

Natsuki actually screamed in shock as the girl in her hands started to trash and turned into a werewolf. Natsuki looked the Shizuru-wolf in disbelief. Suddenly the werewolf lunged at Natsuki and they started to wrestle. Soon the wolf gained the upper hand and Natsuki was pinned on the ground. ''Oh boy, killed by a werewolf, I disgrace my race..'' Natsuki thought as the wolf's teeth came closer, but to her suprise the wolf stated to lick her face and Natsuki moaned softly, she would have blushed if there had been any blood in her semi-dead body. ''I can't be turned on by this...then again the girl was mega hot in her human form..'', she thought desperately, ''...or maybe I just have wolf obsession!'' Suddenly the wolf's pawns started to feel her up and Natsuki managed to draw some blood from her body as her cheeks reddened slightly. The werewolf's hungry pawns traveled lowe-

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Some decades later in the Fuuka Gakuen academy school thing (garden sector). On one bright day, Shizuru Fujino was walking in the Fuuka Gakuen's garden. Suddenly she noticed Tomoe, she knew what that green haired b--d would do to her some time in the distant future so she decided it was a good time to get a revenge now. ''Tomoe-san?'' she said pleasantly. ''Oh hello Fujino-san.'' Tomoe answered blushing. ''I don't like you, at all.'' Shizuru declared and Tomoe looked at her shocked. ''But I want to have weird sex with you Shizuru-oneesama!'' Tomoe whined her green heir swinging wildly. ''Not in **this** lifetime.'' Shizuru stated adamantly, ''Suzushiro-san, I found a tresspassanger!'' Haruka appeared through one of the bushes with Yukino tagging along. ''For once good job Fujino-kaichou.'' Haruka mused, ''What shall I do to her?'' Shizuru contemplated for a moment and came up with the perfect revenge, ''I think she needs to go to the church's ''guidance through the overwhelming youth'' courses for a month.'' Haruka's eyes started to sparkle happily and for once she was satisfied with the hippie Fujino's decision. ''Immediately Fujino-kaichou.'' she said and dragged Tomoe away with the help of Yukino.

''Good, that's dealt.'' Shizuru thought. Suddenly she felt a pair of tentative arms around her waist. ''Is it you, Natsuki-patsuki?'' she almost felt the girl's blush trough her uniform. ''Yes.'' came the shy reply. ''Ara ara, what is this sudden bold show of feelings?'' Shizuru asked. ''I-It's just that you look so damn.. doable in that kaichou uniform..'' Natsuki whispered hornily. Shizuru's eyes widened and cheeks reddened, she couldn't believe such words were coming out of her girlfriend's mouth because those were usually her lines. Swiftly she turned around, dragged Natsuki to the nearest bush and-

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Long long very long time later in the Garderobe academy. Headmaster Natsuki Kruger and her right hand Otome, Shizuru ex-Viola current Kruger, hadn't been seen in days, it was rumored the newly wed couple were consuming their honeymoon in the headmaster's quarters. Headmaster's room's doors were double locked, the windows were covered with steam and odd soun-

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And they lived happily ever after.

**-THE END-**

The end.

A/N: I want to thank all my readers and special thanking goes to my reviewers, I was extra inspired to write this second chapter I'm glad some seemed to like this story even though it is.. odd :) I was actually greatly inspired by some writer's humor fics such as _Inuzuka Notori_'s and _ShotgunNeko_'s (btw thanks for your great review, I love your fics), to mention few -or two, lol :D

Hearing people's thoughts about this second random chapter would be greatly appreciated as well

_-ominously- _I'll be back sometime later with other more or less random Mai-HiME/Otome fics, mwahaha.


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